It's Time I Start Again

All kids, Tweens, and teens are hilarious. Mine are doubly so, because they have no filters. (I know, a kid is a goat. I just liked that using kid meant that when there was more than one, there would be a kid a. Forgive my 90’s heart.)

Kid: (to guest lecturer) my parent’s hired a plumber once who was you shaped. I mean they were shaped like you. What I’m trying to say is I think I’ve seen you before.

***

Kid: light is god’s electricity.

***

Kid: Miss Stacey, I really like you. When I first met you, I didn’t think I’d like you so much.

Me: why didn’t you think you’d like me?

Kid: well, because of, you know, this (kid shakes his own belly at me).

Me: oh, do you have a problem with fat people?

Kid: well, I think I just don’t like them.

(followed by a more serious educational conversation)

***

Kid A: will you give me a hug.

Kid B: (hugs kid A)

Kid A: I like you now. Will you be my boyfriend.

***

Kid: (walks into office) Miss Stacey, you
Should get chapstick and lotion for all of the children for when we have chapped lips and faces.

Me: that is a really good idea! But how about just the lotion and you bring your own chapstick, because if you use chapstick on your mouth and then another kid does you will share germs.

Kid: ok. And when you do, you can make an announcement to all the children and teachers and aides that there is lotion in the office for children with chapped skin.

Me: since it was your good idea, would you like to make the announcement?

Kid: no, as I have stage fright.